it's a local call

An American tourist was inside an Orlando church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '$10,000 per call'. Intrigued, the tourist asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The tourist thanked the priest and went on his way.

Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and asked a nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.

'Wonderful. Thank you.' said the tourist. He then traveled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston and New York. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same '$10,000 per call' sign under it. Finally, upon leaving Vermont, he decided to travel to Canada to see if Canadians had the same phone.

Arriving in Canada, and upon entering the first church, he saw the same golden telephone. But this time the sign under it read '40 cents per call.'

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. 'Father’, he said, ‘I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the U.S., the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?'

The priest smiled and answered, ‘You’re in Canada now, son ... it's a local call.'

The genie joke

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!" The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel!! No, think of another

wish." The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women....know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment....know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'....know how to make them truly happy...."

The genie asked, "Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?"