Jokes can be said in church

Attending a wedding for the first time,
a little girl whispered to her mother,
'Why is the bride dressed in white?''


The mother replied, 'Because white is
the color of happiness, and today is the
happiest day of her life.'


The child thought about this for a
moment then said, 'So why is the groom
wearing black?'


~~~~~~~~~~~~


A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best,
was running as fast as she could, trying
not to be late for Bible class. As she ran
she prayed, 'Dear Lord, please don't let
me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let
me be late!'


While she was running and praying, she
tripped on a curb and fell, getting her
clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She
got up, brushed herself off, and started
running again! As she ran she once again
began to pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't
let me be late...But please don't shove
me either!'


~~~~~~~~~~~~


Three boys are in the school yard bragging
about their fathers. The first boy says, 'My
Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of
paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.'


The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My
Dad scribbles a few words on piece of
paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.'


The third boy says, 'I got you both beat.
My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece
of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes
eight people to collect all the money!'


~~~~~~~~~~~~


An elderly woman died last month. Having
never married, she requested no male
pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions
for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They
wouldn't take me out while I was alive,
I don't want them to take me out when
I'm dead.'


~~~~~~~~~~~~


A police recruit was asked during the
exam, 'What would you do if you had
to arrest your own mother?' He answered,
'Call for backup.'


~~~~~~~~~~~~


A Sunday School teacher asked her class
why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with
them to Jerusalem . A small child replied,
'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.'


~~~~~~~~~~~~


A Sunday school teacher was discussing
the Ten Commandments with her five
and six year olds. After explaining the
commandment to 'Honor thy father and
thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a
commandment that teaches us how
to treat our brothers and sisters?'


Without missing a beat, one little boy
answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'


~~~~~~~~~~~~


At Sunday School they were teaching
how God created everything,
including human beings. Little Johnny
seemed especially intent when they told
him how Eve was created out of one
of Adam's ribs.


Later in the week his mother noticed him
lying down as though he were ill, and
she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?'
Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain
in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'


~~~~~~~~~~~~


Two boys were walking home from
Sunday school after hearing a strong
preaching on the devil. One said to the
other, 'What do you think about all this
Satan stuff?'


The other boy replied, 'Well, you know
how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably
just your Dad.'


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


You don't stop laughing because you
grow old. You grow old because you
stop laughing! Take heed and pass these
along to people who need a laugh.

Hiccups

A woman burst out of the examining room screaming after her young physician tells her she is pregnant. The director of the clinic stopped her and asked what the problem was. After she tells him what happened, the doctors had her sit down and relax in another room and he marched down the hallway where the woman’s physician was and demanded, “What is wrong with you? Mrs. Miller is 60 years old, has six grown children and nine grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?” The young physician continued to write his notes and without looking up at his superior, asked, “Does she still have the hiccups?”

A Christian

Several years ago, a preacher from out-of-state accepted a call to a church in Houston , Texas . Some weeks after he arrived, he had an occasion to ride the bus from his home to the downtown area. When he sat down, he discovered that the driver had accidentally given him a quarter too much change. As he considered what to do, he thought to himself,

You'd better give the quarter back. It would be wrong to keep it.' Then he thought , Oh, forget it, it's only a quarter, who would worry about this little amount? Anyway, the bus company gets too much fare; they will never miss it. Accept it as a 'gift from God' and keep quiet.'

When his stop came, he paused momentarily at the door, and then he handed the quarter to the driver and said, 'Here, you gave me too much change.' The driver, with asmile, replied, 'Aren't you the new preacher in town?' 'Yes' he replied.

'Well, I have been thinking a lot lately about going somewhere to worship. I just wanted to see what you would do if I gave you too much change. I'll see you at church on Sunday.' When the preacher stepped off of the bus, he literally grabbed the nearest light pole, held on, and said, 'Oh God, I almost sold your Son for a quarter.' Our lives are the only Bible some people will ever read. This is a really scary example of how much people watch us as Christians, and will put us to the test!

Always be on guard -- and remember -- You carry the name of Christ on your shoulders when you call yourself 'Christian.'

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

I'm glad a friend forwarded this to me as a reminder. So, I choose to forward it to you - my friend.

God bless you; I hope you are having a wonderful day!