Christian One Liners

Don't let your worries get the
best of you; remember, Moses started
out as a basket case.
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Some people are kind, polite, and
sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.
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Many folks want to serve God,
but only as advisors.
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It is easier to preach ten sermons
than it is to live one.
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The good Lord didn't create anything
without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
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When you get to your wit's end,
you'll find God lives there.
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People are funny; they want the front
of the bus, the middle of the road, and
the back of the church.
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Opportunity may knock once, but temptation
bangs on your front door forever.
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Quit griping about your church;
if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
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If the church wants a better preacher,
it only needs to pray for the one it has.
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God Himself does not propose to judge
a man until he is dead. So why should you?
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Some minds are like concrete
thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
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Peace starts with a smile.
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I don't know why some people
change churches; what difference does
it make which one you stay home from?
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A lot of church members who are singing
'Standing on the Promises'
are just sitting on the premises.
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We were called to be witnesses,
not lawyers or judges.
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Be ye fishers of men. You catch
them - He'll clean them.
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Coincidence is when God
chooses to remain anonymous.
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Don't put a question mark
where God put a period.
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Don't wait for 6 strong men
to take you to church.
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Forbidden fruits create many jams.
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God doesn't call the qualified,
He qualifies the called.
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God grades on the cross, not the curve.
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God loves everyone, but probably prefers
'fruit of the spirit' over a 'religious nut!'
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God promises a safe landing,
not a calm passage.
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He who angers you, controls you!
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If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!
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Prayer:
Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!

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The task ahead of us is never as
great as the Power behind us.
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The Will of God never takes you to
where the Grace of God will not protect you.
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We don't change the message,
the message changes us.
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You can tell how big a person is
by what it takes to discourage him.
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The best mathematical equation :
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.
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My dog told me

Two women, who are dog owners, are arguing which dog is smarter.

First woman: My dog is so smart. Every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me.

Second woman: I know.

First one: How?

Second one: My dog told me.

We learned how to make babies today

A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, “Mom, guess what!

We learned how to make babies today”

The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. “That’s interesting,” she said. “How do you make babies?”

It’s simple, replied the girl. “You just change y to i and add es.”

Stupid.....But funny...

Subject: Funnies
Things to make you stop and think
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

THE SENILITY PRAYER

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway. Grant me the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Stoplight

Q: What did the first stoplight say to the second stoplight?

A: Don’t look I’m changing!!

Love is

Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him to make sure the taste is OK.
Danny - age 7

One Liners Jokes

Q. How does Bill Gates enter his house?
A. He uses "windows".

One Liners Jokes

Ah! Yes, love is blind, and marriage is and eye opener!

One liners

As seen on a car bumper: “Driver does not carry cash. He is married”