A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'
The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'
Showing posts with label jokes-farmers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes-farmers. Show all posts
3/3/11
1/14/11
Three Holy Men and a Bear
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette . They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard - a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment.
They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. 'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and Confirmation.'
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next.. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I found me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb.. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus..Hallelujah!
The priest and the reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying In a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him.
He was in really bad shape.
The Rabbi looked up and said:
"Looking back on it....... circumcision.... May not have been the best way to start."
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard - a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment.
They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. 'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and Confirmation.'
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next.. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I found me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb.. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus..Hallelujah!
The priest and the reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying In a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him.
He was in really bad shape.
The Rabbi looked up and said:
"Looking back on it....... circumcision.... May not have been the best way to start."
10/21/09
the guy who plants the trees is sick today."
There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig.
The other would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.
He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"
The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."
The other would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.
He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"
The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."
9/10/09
They wouldn't let me in without a tie
A traveler was stumbling throughthe dessert,desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he walked toward the image, only to find a little old peddler sitting ay a table with a bunch of neckties laid out.
The parced wanderer asked" please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?
The man repllied" I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie?
Here is one that goes nicely with your clothes?
The desperate man shouted" I don't want a tie your idiot, I need water"
OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, i'll tel you that over the hill there about 5 miles.
, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way and they'll give all the water you want.
The man thanked the peddler and walked towards the hilland eventually disappeared out of sight.
Three hours later he returned.
The man at the card table said" I told you 5 miles down over that hill. Couldn't you find it"?
I found it all right. They wouldn't let me in without a tie.
Hoping to find water, he walked toward the image, only to find a little old peddler sitting ay a table with a bunch of neckties laid out.
The parced wanderer asked" please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?
The man repllied" I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie?
Here is one that goes nicely with your clothes?
The desperate man shouted" I don't want a tie your idiot, I need water"
OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, i'll tel you that over the hill there about 5 miles.
, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way and they'll give all the water you want.
The man thanked the peddler and walked towards the hilland eventually disappeared out of sight.
Three hours later he returned.
The man at the card table said" I told you 5 miles down over that hill. Couldn't you find it"?
I found it all right. They wouldn't let me in without a tie.
9/4/09
Labour Laws
A man owned a small farm in Southern Saskatchewan.
The Saskatchewan Wage & Hours Department claimed he was not paying proper
wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them", demanded the Agent.
"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for
3 years. I pay him $400.00 a week plus free room and board.
The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $300.00 per week plus free room and board.
There's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.
He makes about $10.00 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bourbon every Saturday night.
He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to.....the half-wit", says the Agent.
"That would be me", replied the farmer.
The Saskatchewan Wage & Hours Department claimed he was not paying proper
wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them", demanded the Agent.
"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for
3 years. I pay him $400.00 a week plus free room and board.
The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $300.00 per week plus free room and board.
There's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.
He makes about $10.00 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bourbon every Saturday night.
He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to.....the half-wit", says the Agent.
"That would be me", replied the farmer.
8/25/09
you've got 24 hours to live".
A man goes to the doctors and asks why he's been feeling ill. The doctor examines him and replies "I'm sorry to tell you, you've got the disease known as Yellow 24." "What's that?” the man asks. "It means your internal organs have started turning yellow - you've got 24 hours to live".
The man goes home and tells his wife the bad news. His wife says "Well, will you come to bingo with me tonight then? Otherwise you'll never be able to." The man agrees so he and his wife go to the bingo. He finds that he's won the one-line and £10. He begins to think this isn't such a bad day after all. Twenty minutes later, he's won the full house and £150. He enters the lucky draw, worth £500, and wins that too. The bingo caller calls him up on stage.
He says "I don't believe it, mate. You've won three competitions in a total of £660 in one night. You must be the luckiest man on the earth!"
The man says "Well, no, I'm not. I've got Yellow 24."
The bingo caller looks down at the piece of paper he's holding and starts clapping. "I don't believe it; he's won the raffle as well!"
The man goes home and tells his wife the bad news. His wife says "Well, will you come to bingo with me tonight then? Otherwise you'll never be able to." The man agrees so he and his wife go to the bingo. He finds that he's won the one-line and £10. He begins to think this isn't such a bad day after all. Twenty minutes later, he's won the full house and £150. He enters the lucky draw, worth £500, and wins that too. The bingo caller calls him up on stage.
He says "I don't believe it, mate. You've won three competitions in a total of £660 in one night. You must be the luckiest man on the earth!"
The man says "Well, no, I'm not. I've got Yellow 24."
The bingo caller looks down at the piece of paper he's holding and starts clapping. "I don't believe it; he's won the raffle as well!"
8/21/09
Amazing family tradition:
Isaac Ole had heard from his grandma stories of an amazing family tradition in his family. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink. So when Isaac’s 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Sven took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Ole stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Sven just managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Ole went to see his grandmother. "Grandma," he asked," it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?" Granny looked into Ole's eyes with a broad smile and said, "Because your father, grandfather and great-grandfather were born in January when the lake is frozen and you were born in hot July!"
8/18/09
A firefighter and a little girl
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little
red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighters helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.
'Thanks,' the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer. the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you
were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.'
The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'
red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighters helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.
'Thanks,' the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer. the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you
were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.'
The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'
CATHOLIC HORSES
One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his
shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the
forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.
Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race..
Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with
interest the old priest step onto the track. Sure enough, as the 5th race
horses came to the starting gate the priest made a blessing on the forehead
of one of the horses.
Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the
horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest
had blessed won the race.
Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the
priest would bless for the 6th race. The priest again blessed a horse.
Mitch bet big on it, and it won. Mitch was elated.. As the races continued
the priest kept blessing long shot horses, and each one ended up coming in
first.
By and by, Mitch was pulling in some serious money. By the last race, he
knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick dash to the
ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited the priest's blessing that would
tell him which horse to bet on.
True to his pattern, the priest stepped onto the track for the last race and
blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day.
Mitch also observed the priest blessing the eyes, ears, and hooves of the
old nag.
Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.
He then watched dumbfounded as the old nag come in dead last. Mitch, in a
state of shock, made his way down to the track area where the priest was.
Confronting the old priest he demanded, 'Father! What happened?
All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the
horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile. Now, thanks to you I've lost
every cent of my savings -- all of it!'.
The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. 'Son,' he said, 'that's the
problem with you Protestants, you can't tell the difference between a simple
blessing and last rites.'
shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the
forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.
Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race..
Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with
interest the old priest step onto the track. Sure enough, as the 5th race
horses came to the starting gate the priest made a blessing on the forehead
of one of the horses.
Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the
horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest
had blessed won the race.
Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the
priest would bless for the 6th race. The priest again blessed a horse.
Mitch bet big on it, and it won. Mitch was elated.. As the races continued
the priest kept blessing long shot horses, and each one ended up coming in
first.
By and by, Mitch was pulling in some serious money. By the last race, he
knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick dash to the
ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited the priest's blessing that would
tell him which horse to bet on.
True to his pattern, the priest stepped onto the track for the last race and
blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day.
Mitch also observed the priest blessing the eyes, ears, and hooves of the
old nag.
Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.
He then watched dumbfounded as the old nag come in dead last. Mitch, in a
state of shock, made his way down to the track area where the priest was.
Confronting the old priest he demanded, 'Father! What happened?
All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the
horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile. Now, thanks to you I've lost
every cent of my savings -- all of it!'.
The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. 'Son,' he said, 'that's the
problem with you Protestants, you can't tell the difference between a simple
blessing and last rites.'
7/15/09
I'm glad I quit drinking
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are those machetes doing in your car?" asks the cop.
"I juggle them in my act."
"Oh, yeah? Says the doubtful cop. "Let's see you do it.” The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the knives. Another man driving by slows down to watch.
"Wow" says the passer-by. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!
"I juggle them in my act."
"Oh, yeah? Says the doubtful cop. "Let's see you do it.” The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the knives. Another man driving by slows down to watch.
"Wow" says the passer-by. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!
6/27/09
Ladies and gentlemen
Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps,
Bug-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants!
I'm about to tell you a story I've never heard before,
So pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
Admission is free, so pay at the door.
One fine day, in the middle of the night,
two, dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back, they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
and saved the lives of the two dead boys.
If you don't believe my lies are true,
ask the blind man, he saw it too!
Bug-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants!
I'm about to tell you a story I've never heard before,
So pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
Admission is free, so pay at the door.
One fine day, in the middle of the night,
two, dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back, they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
and saved the lives of the two dead boys.
If you don't believe my lies are true,
ask the blind man, he saw it too!
"Pull, Buddy, pull!"
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
6/23/09
oh, that's just a grasshopper
A Texan is visiting Australia for the first time; He sees a sheep and starts laughing; he says to his Australian guide " oh, at home in Texas, sheep are twice as big!" He then sees a cow ands bursts " Puff, in Texas, our cows are much, much bigger!" And suddenly, he sees a kangaroo and asks, "What's that?" the guide answers " oh, that's just a grasshopper...”
6/10/09
A Yankee lawyer
A Yankee lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly gentleman asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going into retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things here in North Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this with the NC Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the NC three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The Yankee attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the Yankee lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The Yankee lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it's my turn."
The old North Carolina farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things here in North Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this with the NC Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the NC three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The Yankee attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the Yankee lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The Yankee lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it's my turn."
The old North Carolina farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
5/21/09
I wrote a check
An elderly man, 82, just returned from the doctors only to find he didn't have long to live. So he summoned the three most important people in his life to tell them of his fate:
1. His Doctor
2. His Priest
3. His Lawyer.
He said, "Well, today I found out I don't have long to live. So, I have summoned you three here, because you are the most important people in my life, and I need to ask a favor. Today, I am going to give each of you an envelope with $50,000 dollars inside. When I die, I would ask that all three of you throw the money into my grave." After the man passed on, the three people happened to run into each other. The doctor said, "I have to admit I kept $10,000 dollars of his money. He owed me from lots of medical bills. But, I threw the other $40,000 in like he requested. "The Priest said, "I have to admit also, I kept $25,000 dollars for the church. It’s all going to a good cause. I did, however, throw the other $25,000 in the grave." Well the Lawyer just couldn't believe what he was hearing! "I am surprised at you two for taking advantage of him like that. I wrote a check for the full amount and threw it all in!!!"
1. His Doctor
2. His Priest
3. His Lawyer.
He said, "Well, today I found out I don't have long to live. So, I have summoned you three here, because you are the most important people in my life, and I need to ask a favor. Today, I am going to give each of you an envelope with $50,000 dollars inside. When I die, I would ask that all three of you throw the money into my grave." After the man passed on, the three people happened to run into each other. The doctor said, "I have to admit I kept $10,000 dollars of his money. He owed me from lots of medical bills. But, I threw the other $40,000 in like he requested. "The Priest said, "I have to admit also, I kept $25,000 dollars for the church. It’s all going to a good cause. I did, however, throw the other $25,000 in the grave." Well the Lawyer just couldn't believe what he was hearing! "I am surprised at you two for taking advantage of him like that. I wrote a check for the full amount and threw it all in!!!"
5/14/09
I'll be ready in a minute
A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled
upstairs to his wife, "Honey, are you ready yet?"
Shouting back, the woman replies,
"For crying out loud, Ed, I've been telling you for the last
half hour...I'll be ready in a minute!"
upstairs to his wife, "Honey, are you ready yet?"
Shouting back, the woman replies,
"For crying out loud, Ed, I've been telling you for the last
half hour...I'll be ready in a minute!"
5/10/09
"Wife wanted."
A man placed an ad in the classifieds:A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
little old man
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.
5/1/09
Deer hunter
A deer hunter at a hunting camp bagged two deer, one more than the limit. He called his wife ask her to go to the local sporting goods store to get a hunting license in her name and bring it to the hunting camp.
While getting the license she took up conversation with a man who happened to be the Game Warden. "A wonderful thing happened to my husband...he shot two deer, and he wants me to bring this license up to his camp," she said.
"What say, Mam, that we go up there and we'll BOTH congratulate him," he replied.
While getting the license she took up conversation with a man who happened to be the Game Warden. "A wonderful thing happened to my husband...he shot two deer, and he wants me to bring this license up to his camp," she said.
"What say, Mam, that we go up there and we'll BOTH congratulate him," he replied.
12/2/08
Ready to go
A woman in her eighties made the evening news because she was getting married for the fourth time. The following day she was being interviewed by a local TV station, and the commentator asked about what it felt to be married again at that age and would she share part of her previous experiences, since it seem quite unique the fact that her new husband was a ‘funeral director.’ After a short time to think, a smile came to her face and she proudly explained that she had first married a banker when she was in her twenties, in her forties she married a circus ring master, and in her sixties she married a pastor and now in her eighties, a funeral director. The amazed commentator asked her why she had married men with such diverse carriers. With a smile on her face she explained, ‘I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.’
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