A Nun Grading Papers

CAN YOU IMAGINE THE NUN SITTING AT HER DESK GRADING THESE PAPERS, ALL THE WHILE TRYING TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE AND MAINTAIN HER COMPOSURE! KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN. 

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

 2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS. 

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT. 

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH. 

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD, WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS. 

8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNTCYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

 9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE. 

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY. 

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL. 

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM. 

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.. 

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES. 

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA. 

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER. 

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION. 

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD. 

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE. 

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

 21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

 22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES. 

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN. 

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY, WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE. 

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

The Pastor's Ass
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and It won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey
That he entered it in the Race
Again, and it won again.The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of Publicity that he ordered the Pastor Not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline Read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he Ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a Nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted The following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to Get rid of the donkey, she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he Ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and Lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . .. . Being concerned about public opinion can bring You much grief and misery . . Even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and You'll be a lot happier and live longer!
Have a nice day!

Church

Two men were sitting behind two nuns at a basketball game. They were irritated at the presence of the sisters and complained about not being able to see over the sisters’ head covering. One of them said loudly, "I am going to Phoenix. Only 15% of the people there are Catholics."The other said, "I am going to Dallas. Only 5% are Catholics."One of the nuns turned around and said sweetly, "Why don’t you go to hell - there is no Catholics there!"